by Cody Wubs from A&M Partnership
February 15, 2024
The season of singleness can be one of the most life giving and joyful parts of our lives. I heard it put like this one time if you aren’t content in singleness then you won’t be content in marriage. No matter what stage of life we find ourselves in we have had a season of singleness. It can be lonely and dark at times, but it can be exciting and joyful too. It really comes down to a person's mindset with singleness. It is no different to how one approaches life in general. How one decides to respond to life’s circumstances can impact their mindset and it may not change the situation, but it can change one's perspective. Although movies about singleness aren't topping the charts and books usually don't end in singleness, it is an important season in every person's life. A person's perspective behind it can greatly affect their future relationships.
Here are four ways I have seen myself grow in how I view and approach singleness in a healthy way.
1. Being single doesn't mean we are alone.
Wanting to be married is a good thing. We were designed for it. But before we are married, we will find ourselves single. We aren’t meant to be alone. The Bible states in Genesis 2:18, “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper for him.” From the beginning we are meant to do life together. Who we do life with is going to be different for us throughout our lives. Each season brings a different community. While we are married, we will have our spouse to love and support us but while we are single we have friends, family, or roommates. We need to find a community of people that we can trust and that will embrace us for who we are. We need to have people that will challenge us and encourage us. Community looks different in different seasons.
2. Being single allows us to be free to pursue life unencumbered.
Think of a time when you wanted to do something or a friend wanted to spend time together or somebody asked for help, and you were there right away. My guess is that this was when you were single. When we are in a relationship or married, how we use our time changes. So, while we have ample time on our hands being single, pursue what matters in life and what you love to do wholeheartedly. Travel, sing, do art, play sports, exercise, volunteer, find a job you love, build strong friendships, care for your family, etc. whatever it is go and do it. Each and everyone of us are designed with specific gifts and talents to be of great benefit for this world.
3. Being single gives us time to grow.
While we are single, we can grow in areas such as self control or self discipline, and learn who we are on our own. There can be an unnecessary amount of pressure surrounding the need to be in a relationship, especially for the younger generation, or rushing to get married. Just because everybody else is doing it doesn't mean you have to do it, sometimes the relationship you want isn’t the right one for you. It is also okay to wait and be patient as we seek our spouse. The stages of life happen in different seasons for everybody, being patient is key. There are many emotions and feelings with dating. We need to be wise to consider both ours and the other person’s heart when we pursue a relationship. Growing while being single can look like processing past relationships and taking time to heal from past hurt. It is wise to be self aware and evaluate if you are emotionally ready before jumping into a relationship. If you do not take the time to grow on your own, relationships could cause more hurt. You are trying to get to know the other person as well as showing them who you are. When we embrace singleness we are able to pursue friendships and approach dating with wisdom. In singleness, we are free of pressures that come with dating, the biggest one being physical pressures of being intimate. The best and healthiest way to engage in sexual activity is marriage. The biggest benefit when abstaining from any sexual activity till marriage will be in getting to know someone better without clouding your judgment and connecting yourself to someone physically. It will also help in guarding your heart from heartbreak and help in making an informed decision if this person is someone you want to marry.
4. Being single doesn't mean you can't be content.
Some people will never have “til death do us part”. That doesn't mean their lives are less fulfilled. We are not made complete or whole by somebody else. Your girlfriend, boyfriend, or even spouse doesn’t complete you. We are a completely whole person inside and outside of relationships. If we weren’t complete or whole that would mean for much of our lives, we were half of a person. The whole concept of being made complete by somebody else is emphasized so much in society. We need to stop this mentality.
Looking at all the ways I have grown in seeing singleness as a positive season, I have seen my perspective change. My own story of singleness is one that I want to share to encourage and challenge. I personally have never dated anybody as of the writing of this blog. Although there are times when I feel lonely, I have never felt empty. I want to be married and have a wife to care for and love, but I am content as I wait. Some days can be harder than others but we grow the most through trials in life. I have pursued my passions and joys in life. I still put myself out there and try my best at finding my spouse but it doesn’t always work out. My life is full even without a relationship. Being single has never stopped me from living my life well. It can be true for you too, so go and enjoy life, find your passions, build friendships, travel, explore, and experience life!